Almost a decade ago, I visited the campus of a very well-known non-profit organization with the intention of meeting with a teen magazine editor. Being very naive and ignorant to the ways of the music industry, I assumed that scoring this meeting would be a shoe-in to "success". Fortunately for me, the magazine editor was extremely gracious and took nearly four hours out of his work day to meet with me and my brother to discuss our musical endeavors. Though he was one of the nicest and most genuine people I had ever met, I soon became aware of the awkwardness of the situation. Because he was so kind, I felt quite free to share about my own personal struggles with the christian life and pieces of my story.
In the end, my brother and I walked away with a ton of free stuff and a much improved understanding of why this magazine was probably not our best approach at that point. As stated by the first words spoken to us by the editor, "So...how can I help you guys?"
10 years and much life experience later, I had the amazing privilege of being invited onto that same campus for an interview regarding music. Once again, I was welcomed by a warm and welcoming staff member, who encouraged me to be myself. The freedom I felt completely surpassed any lingering awkward memories from my efforts in the past. And maybe that has most to do with what happened in the mean time.
I've said before that the FBR project was and is all about trusting God with my music. I have to admit (though it's somewhat embarrassing) that because I have been in and around music my whole life that I always just assumed that I was trusting God with my music. When faced with my lack of trust, my first inclination was to be indignant. How could I have missed the memo? How could I have been so foolish? How could I...? And that's where the problem was: I thought it was all about me. "My music" has never been mine. Planning for every contingency couldn't accomplish anything. Struggling for success couldn't accomplish anything. And talking to a magazine editor definitely could not do it.
What personal effort could never do was to mature my heart. I couldn't force my way into trust. I couldn't will it to be so. The only thing I could do was to loosen my death grip on God's steering wheel and trust. I had to fall before I could crawl.
Words can't adequately describe the difference in today's interaction and interview from the one years ago. Not for one minute was I concerned about my definition of success. I wasn't anxious or awkward, rather, I could simply live in freedom and enjoy God's work in crafting His character in me.
In the end, my brother and I walked away with a ton of free stuff and a much improved understanding of why this magazine was probably not our best approach at that point. As stated by the first words spoken to us by the editor, "So...how can I help you guys?"
10 years and much life experience later, I had the amazing privilege of being invited onto that same campus for an interview regarding music. Once again, I was welcomed by a warm and welcoming staff member, who encouraged me to be myself. The freedom I felt completely surpassed any lingering awkward memories from my efforts in the past. And maybe that has most to do with what happened in the mean time.
I've said before that the FBR project was and is all about trusting God with my music. I have to admit (though it's somewhat embarrassing) that because I have been in and around music my whole life that I always just assumed that I was trusting God with my music. When faced with my lack of trust, my first inclination was to be indignant. How could I have missed the memo? How could I have been so foolish? How could I...? And that's where the problem was: I thought it was all about me. "My music" has never been mine. Planning for every contingency couldn't accomplish anything. Struggling for success couldn't accomplish anything. And talking to a magazine editor definitely could not do it.
What personal effort could never do was to mature my heart. I couldn't force my way into trust. I couldn't will it to be so. The only thing I could do was to loosen my death grip on God's steering wheel and trust. I had to fall before I could crawl.
Words can't adequately describe the difference in today's interaction and interview from the one years ago. Not for one minute was I concerned about my definition of success. I wasn't anxious or awkward, rather, I could simply live in freedom and enjoy God's work in crafting His character in me.
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